Bean Dip

November 19, 2012 — Leave a comment

beandip

Bean Dip. Frito brand, with jalapeno peppers. Best snack ever.

I’ve been eating bean dip and taco flavor Doritos since I was a wee lad. It’s the first thing I remember actually eating. I used to cry for it if we didn’t have any. I remember when I was about 5, my Grandmother going out to 7-11 late at night to get me some bean dip and taco chips so I could watch Twilight Zone before going to bed.

Yeah, I was a weird kid.

I never had a stomach ache from it, never got tired of it, never got enough of it. In fact, I just ate some about five minutes ago. And when I say “some” I mean about a whole can.

What is it about these things that we call “favorites?” Whether it’s a favorite meal (tacos), favorite drink (coke), favorite snack (duh), or favorite person (Cheryl!), I guess it’s that they just click with our personality and become a part of who we are.

Have you ever had a favorite, then change your mind?

When I was about 13 years old, I stayed the summer with my Grandmother in Anaheim, CA. She worked somewhere I can’t remember, but it was next to a movie theater, and some days when I went to work with her, she’d give me $20 and I’d spend the day at the movies. It’s amazing how many movies you can see for $20 if you’re sneaky.

Also, I loved Rolos back then. One day I got my ticket and spent the rest of my money on Rolos. I had about 7 packs of them. Also, I was watching Rocky 2.

About half way through the movie I had eaten about 70 Rolos, and was starting to feel a little queasy. Toward the end of the movie, when the severe beatings were taking place, I lost it all on the floor of that movie theater. That was 33 years ago and I have not just not eaten Rolos again – I have never eaten anything with a combination of chocolate and caramel since then. Funny thing is, I haven’t thrown up, not once, since then either. This is good info to remember.

Rolo is my kryptonite, my Achilles heal. The further they are from me, the better.

Some people, though, don’t know any better. They just keep right on doing what is bad for them, what is making them sick. The “snack” has turned into a habit that has turned into a life.

I think about my mother, who ruined her life with drugs. It started off pretty innocent – she was just a kid in the 60′s smoking a little weed, and one choice to say yes ended in her death 45 years later.

The bible puts it in a horrible, disgusting way. “As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his foolishness.” (Proverbs 26:11)

I could really elaborate on that, but I hope you got a mental picture when you read those words so I won’t have to.

It should make you queasy, it should make you shake your head to try to clear that image. Maybe you’ll start humming the words to your favorite song so you don’t have to think about it anymore. Either way, that entire chapter of Proverbs is about foolishness.

If you’re like me (normal?) you’ve done some foolish things in your time, and have grown and become wiser and learned from your mistakes and have vowed to never repeat them. I could tell you some stories, believe me! But for others, this is hitting you right where you live.

Listen, I’m not trying to make you feel bad or guilty or anything. I’m trying to tell you that you can be free! Yes, the fool will waste his life chasing after drugs or alcohol or money or things, and never really discover what life is really all about – and it’s a tragedy every single time. But it doesn’t have to be that way, for any of us!

Galatians 5:1 says, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” This verse, for me, is my favorite in the book of Galatians. Everything Paul wrote before this is building up to this verse.

Paul talks about how we were slaves, how sin had condemned us, how we were prisoners to the Law, how we were separated from God by our transgressions, and in one statement, he reminded his readers of everything that Christ did on the cross for us – We are free!

But look at what his next words were – “stand firm.” This is classic Paul – he tells us what God did, then tells us what we must do in order to have it.

Yes, Christ died for you, yes the price was paid, yes, we have been handed freedom, but what are we supposed to do with it? We are supposed to stand firm – stand firm so that we can continue to walk in freedom.

What I love even more about it is, we can’t even do that without His help. There is nothing we can do that is right on our own! We can’t save ourselves, we can’t redeem ourselves, we can’t be good enough or smart enough or strong enough. The fool will try.

Our victory comes in standing firm, and we can only do that by giving everything up – our thoughts, our actions, our lives must not be our own, or we will find ourselves enslaved to the things Christ freed us from.

Remember the Rich Young Ruler? He came to Jesus so excited – he had done everything that was required of him under the Law, and it was not enough. He was holding back. Jesus told him to sell all of his stuff and give the money away, then he could follow Him. And if you will remember, he walked away with everything he had before, plus one more thing - he still had his wealth, his station in life, his religion, but he also walked away sad.

Do not walk away sad! What is God saying to you right now? What are you holding on to? What in your life are you using as a poor substitute for Christ? What do you keep returning to, over and over and over, knowing full well it is foolish to do so, and will keep you from every good thing, keep you from the freedom that Christ died to bring the world?

Don’t walk away sad - lay it down, and be done with it for good! Don’t be enslaved to your vision of what your life is supposed to be – become who God dreams you could be, and walk away a brand new person, with a brand new life! You can have that right now! What is your choice today?

 

 

In change, freedom, identity, slave , ,
permalink

Now!

November 11, 2012 — 1 Comment

jesus-statue

For a lot of people the future is unclear. It’s like we get a glimpse of what could or should be, but it’s only that – just a glimpse.

Sometimes we have a good couple of weeks – the car doesn’t break down, things on the job are smooth and you don’t hit every red light in rush hour.

Most of the time though we need help and we need it now.

Sometimes it’s a relationship issue, sometimes it’s a bill that came due that there’s no way to pay. Maybe it’s a call from the doctor that you don’t even want to take.

Sometimes life and the future can seem so foggy. Who can you trust? Who can you call on? Who has the answers you need – not next week, not a year from now, not even tomorrow, but right now?

We need a God that’s bigger than all that. We need a God that stands outside and above everything. We need a God that’s in control.

That’s the kind of God we have! The question is do you trust him? We all have the right amount of faith – it’s just that we misplace it. We trust ourselves to provide the unprovidable. We can’t be our own source of anything – except disappointment.

I’ve spent so many years disappointed in God and that disappointment was misplaced. I was upset at myself for not being good enough or strong enough or talented enough. My faith was in me, in my abilities, in the people around me and again and again I was let down and again and again I blamed God.

I blamed God for my shortcomings, and the hole I was digging for myself got deeper and deeper, until I couldn’t see any light at all.

What changed that? I learned the truth. Over a period of three years, I learned to see God for who he really is, and me for who I really am. I am strong, smart, stubborn – which is why it took so long. God is love, he gives grace and peace and he forgives and chooses not to remember.

The peace I have – right now – is what keeps me going. That little nugget of faith that I have – it’s moving mountains because I have it focused on God now. The result of that is blessings and peace.

Peace – that’s what you need too! In all those situations that pop up in life. When the unexpected happens, you can have peace, regardless of the situation. That’s what God wants – and he wants to give it to you now! The question is, will you place your faith in him?

“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.” 2 Thessalonians 3:16

In failure, fear, hope, peace , ,
permalink

Set Apart

November 10, 2012 — Leave a comment

unique

I’ve been struggling for a while about something major – what sets me apart? What makes me unique? What is there that’s special about me?

My wife is a musician. She sings, writes songs, plays several instruments. With just a little nudge, she could be a pro. She could be famous.

My daughter Trinity can draw. Not just draw. She sees unique and original pictures in her head and can transfer them onto paper or canvas and they are beautiful creations. She’s only 11, but she has some serious talent.

I could go on – and I guess I will. There are people who are extremely gifted in this world – whose abilities outclass the mere mortals around them, and wherever they go, whatever they do, people take notice. They change things, they challenge themselves and those around them. They are, more often than not, heros.

Well, what about the rest of us? What about me? I’m not being down on myself. I’m very smart, and I’m really good at a lot of things. A LOT of things. In fact, almost everything I’ve ever done, I’ve been really good at. But not great.

What am I great at? What will define me and my life? What will I contribute? What will I do that’s important?

Everyone will agree that I’m unique, and I have a certain way of seeing things that’s different. At work I approach things differently than most people, and its been that way regardless of what job I have had. But at the end of the day, unique is just a way of saying different but mostly the same. I’m just me, and I’m really not that much different than any other person.

I really only have one thing that makes me special. And I’m not all that good at it. I’m God’s kid. He’s my father, and I’m his son. Maybe if I can be a better child, I will find what I’m really supposed to do or be.

Thing is I can’t make myself better. I have to rely on the father for that. I have to follow his lead, and live the life that his Son lived. That’s something I’m still learning. I’m more of a prodigal who has been off squandering and is just now waking up in the pig pen wondering what brilliant idea I can hatch to get me out of this mess.

The problem is the same one that everyone faces. Not what am I going to do with my life, what am I going to be, but who am I? It’s all about identity.

We all struggle through life trying to find our place, carve out an existence, muddle our way through. I used to think (and still stuggle with thinking) that there were some really lucky people who knew someone or had the right daddy who actually got to be someone in life, and the rest of us just got regular jobs and lived and died and were forgotten.

I really don’t want that to be my life, but I don’t know anyone, and I’m not too terribly lucky. But I do have the right daddy.

In spite of all of my wrong thinking, which I am obviously still working through, I’m still set apart. Those are not my words and I stuggle to believe it. I know it in some part of me, but I don’t act like it sometimes and have trouble believing it in my head. It’s funny how different parts of your body can be in a war against each other sometimes.

My spirit tells me I’m living in the Kingdom, I’m God’s child, he has a dream for me. My soul tells me I’m pretty much average and pretty much out of luck. My heart yearns for freedom and to know what God’s plan is for me so I can just do it already.

Basically I’m out of whack.

So I have to keep on going. I’m at least pointed in the right direction right now. Three years ago there was no hope at all. No. Hope. I have to keep giving more of myself to God, I have to keep keeping less for myself. Because one thing I do know – it’s not about me. All those things I’m good at…what are they but gifts from God, that I used for my own glory for so many years.

We are set apart – unique, different. The bible says we are aliens – not of this world. Or maybe that’s an old Petra song. Either way – what we need when we are stuggling with these things is to remember that we are transformed by the renewing of our minds. That’s Romans 12 right there by the way.

The battle for my spirit is complete. My body will keep getting older, then fail at some point. No way around that unless Jesus comes again while I’m alive. What stands in the middle is my mind, and it’s still crammed full of the world. This is why I stuggle – because my mind needs to be transformed. As Bob Hamp puts it – I don’t need to think different, I need to think differently.

The problem is I’m in bondage to being me. Jesus came to set me free from that. I need to repent from that – I need to think differently. Right now I’m trying to think different – I’m trying to control my thoughts by plugging other things in – good things! Classes at church, Christian music, listening to great sermons. It’s all good! The content of my thoughts is not so much the issue, though, as is the actual way in which I think.

I can’t exchange bad thinking for good thinking and hope to do any better. This is my effort – and it’s in vain. It’s fruitless.

To repent means to think differently – not new content, but a whole new way of thinking and seeing things. The renewing of my mind. And as I’m discovering, like everything else, it’s a process – one that I’m in the big middle of.

So I will keep on going. But sometimes I may still wonder from time to time – who am I, why am I even here? I think that is thinking the old way and only glorifies me. I don’t want to do that anymore. Maybe it’s a baby step, but that’s where I am.

Where are you?

In freedom, identity, thinking, Uncategorized ,
permalink

Aftermath

November 7, 2012 — Leave a comment

arch

Aftermath. It can be pretty messy. Have you seen pictures of the devestation of Hurrican Sandy? It’s not good.

Most history books have pictures of wars and natural disasters. In a few of them, if you look just right, you can get a sense of not just the destruction, but of the human suffering as well. It’s scary, sad, gut-wrenching.

Have you every been through something like this? I know my home town, Harrah, OK has been through some tough times in the last few years – tornadoes and wildfires just to name two things. I have friends and family who have been affected. Some have lost everything.

About a year and a half ago, a tornado swept through Joplin Missouri and caused massive damage. Less than a week later, I was in my front yard here in Texas looking straight up over my house at the circulating wall cloud thinking, “We are in bad trouble here.” Many tornadoes touched down that day all around us, but we were spared.

I had panic attacks for weeks after that. I had never been scared during any kind of storm before. But I never had a wife and two little girls crying and praying for their lives in cramped closet before either.

I saw how close it was. I saw with my own eyes. The cloud, the part that was spinning and dipping down and going back up. My heart was racing, I was almost hyperventilating. I was well and truly scared – like I had never been scared before.

None of this was in my control. All we could do was pray and ride it out.

It was completely out of my hands.

How much of life is like that? Things happen. Bad things. Horrible things. Things that tear up our bodies and minds and souls. Things we have no control over – illness, loss, abuse, job loss, families torn apart.

These things change us, these things scar us. They can even destroy us, and what we are left with is a wasteland in our hearts and minds and bodies. Who can pick up the pieces? Who can make us whole, when we have been so completely torn apart?

Tonight at church, an assignment was to make a diagram of our families, and using symbols, show a variety of things – addiction, divorce, mental illness, death, just to name a few. Mine looked like the pictures above – the aftermath of a nuclear strike. I was not prepared for this.

I know everyone has their own baggage, and they all deal with it in their own way. I discovered that I haven’t dealt with it.

My birth mother is dead. She ruined her life, and ultimately her liver from drug use. She was bi-polar. She was abused and abusive to my birth father. My mother was adopted, so I have no idea what her parents were like, but I do know her mother got pregnant either outside of marriage or due to an affair with someone she wasn’t married to. She always felt like she was unwanted, and she always acted like nobody loved her.

My father was a hippie and from what I can tell he got over it. He was a drug addiction counselor, and is selling real estate in Las Vegas now. We don’t keep up with each other.

I was adopted, along with my sister, by our great aunt and uncle who were the opposite of my birth parents. Very strict. My new dad was career military, a command sergeant major. Tougher than nails. A veteran of three wars. He has his own scars from what he had seen and done as a soldier on the battlefield. He never spoke of it.

My mom raised the family while he was away – I have three older siblings – 2 brothers and a sister, who were the grown children of my new parents. I think my youngest/older brother is 17 years older than me.

When I say they were all great, I really, really mean it. But I was already screwed up. When I was four my mom injected me with heroin. She rolled me up in a rug once. She would put me in a dark room and scare me just for fun. I got thrown around a bit, too. But the worst part was when she would disappear for days on end, with just me and my one year old sister in the house alone.

The little family tree I drew tonight was supposed to give me some insight into areas where I still need to experience freedom, so that I can help guide others to freedom as well. The purpose was to help identify life patterns, and to break them – in ourselves and in others.

Folks, I have a ways to go. All of this devastation, all the broken pieces still laying around in my soul were brought to the surface tonight. I’m a mess. Most people are in some way, and sometimes they don’t even know it. Now I know it – and now I have the tools to deal with it. And maybe one day I will be able to minister to those who are going through this as well.

We’ve been in Freedom Training for about two months. This was the last night. Every single week, this one verse always pops into my head – “He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.” (Is 53:5)

Yes, Jesus died for our sins, but look at that verse – we can have peace and healing through him! Not just forgiveness – we can have that and we need it, but we can have healing in our souls and in our bodies! We can have peace! We don’t need to have a stiff upper lip, we don’t need to bury our hurts, we don’t have to act like everything is ok – everything CAN BE OK! You can have what God has promised – if you ask!

What is God saying to you right now? What are you struggling with? Ask God to show you if there is a lie associated with that. What is the lie? Ask God to show you what is true – accept his truth, and live in it! Be free!

In broken, freedom, life, My Story , , ,
permalink

I Do Not Like The Recorder

November 1, 2012 — Leave a comment

trinity

I really don’t like that Trinity chose to buy a recorder. Not my favorite instrument in the hands of a ten year old. Or maybe anybody. She could have chosen something cool like the cowbell, but no. It had to be a recorder.

So, for the past few days, morning and night, we’ve been regaled with her halting, squeaky attempts at Hot Cross Buns, Mary Had A Little Lamb, and tonight, a new classic, Frere Jacques.

I love Trinity dearly though, so I encourage her. To throw the thing in the ditch behind our house. Seriously though, I am very proud. That at least she’s good at math and reading.

Seriously, seriously though – she is trying really hard, and actually getting better at it. Will she be going to Juilliard one day? Not for music I don’t think. But she’s having fun doing it, and I could totally see her going to MIT one day and creating some kind of nano-tech warp drive and living on the moon. She is really just that smart.

Her attempts at the recorder remind me of my spiritual journey. You know we basically all start at the same place – newborns. And we are so excited about it, we are sometimes “squeaky” and our attempts at things such as public prayer, evangelism, and even personal devotional time may seem awkward. But, like Trinity is getting better with practise, so do we become better at being children of God.

For most people though, they stay in the newborn stage. They begin with excitement, and get a sense of the awkwardness and give up. They lack encouragement, they lack accountability, and give up before they get to the really good stuff.

I don’t want Trinity to give up! I love her and I love her excitement! So I will encourage her and tell her how proud I am. And I really, truly am proud of my beautiful little girl.

I want to encourage you, too. No matter where you are on your path, keep going! Don’t give up! It’s worth the struggle! Find someone who can walk along side of you and be a mentor and guide and teacher for you. Keep doing what the Lord has shown you is right, even if it feels weird. Becoming a Christian is a major shift for most people, and even if you’ve been a Christian for a long time, sometimes trying something new can feel weird, too.

Trust in the Lord, follow his leading and be what he has called you to be! Those feelings will pass, and you will learn to live in the destiny he has created for you!

Take a minute and think to yourself – what is God asking you to do? How has he gifted you to accomplish this task? Can you do it on your own? Pray that he would enable you to do all that he is asking you to do, trust him to do what he said he would do, then step out and do it! You’ll be changing your life, and the lives of those around you!

In discipleship, fear , , ,
permalink